Helpless but Not Hopeless

Don't feel up to it..

2005-12-01T13:11:00.000+08:00

I find that i'm very much a person who would do things according to feelings. a lot of examples...

:: don't feel like going out for lunch
:: don't feel like updating my blog though i've got quite a number of things to write about. but when i feel up to it to do so, i haven't have the time. erm..
:: don't feel like talking
:: don't feel like being friendly
:: don't feel like responding

well..of course these only happens once in a while especially when i'm emotionally down or when i got up from the wrong side of the bed.

sometimes i wonder are all these attributed to laziness or emotions. erm...doesn't really matter.

the Long Overdue Update

2005-07-28T17:22:00.000+08:00

Realizing that i've left my blog untouched for a month, it's definitely time for me to clean up the cobwebs accumulated...hehe

:: a continuation from my previous 2 entries
a biG HUGE praise and thank God for paulie's blood test results. It shows that he's clean. I felt truly grateful and at the same time relieved. he too felt that way. he said he felt like he's been given a 2nd chance to live on. A BIG thank you for everyone's prayers and concern!!

:: BLC 2005 retreat**
this sub-entry was intended for 18th June

Spent the weekend in Peace Haven, Genting. It was a good church camp though a bit short. Great time of getting to know each other better especially when i only get to meet this group of people once a week and that also limited to catching up with a handful.

What i enjoyed most about this camp is the "opportunity" to stay in a dorm full of girls since i last did this was many years ago. Imagine what kind of mischieve we can get ourselves into when you put girls together hehe...nah nothing hazardous happened. Taking pictures at night in the cold was pretty fun too. Had heaps of laughter putting on weird poses.

Oh! the romanopoly game was really exciting too. I've never seen people going crazy over 1 cents. In this game, everyone had to dress in roman empire period attire. To play the game, we are all given 10 x 1 cent each. At the start of the game, we get into groups of 3 to toss our coin. Out of 3 coins tossed, the odd one wins. That's how we earn more cents. Periodically the enemy will capture civilians to be put in the prison. And people who ran out of money would automatically become slaves.

Civilians could save the prisoners and slaves by paying a price using whatever amount of money they have. From here, we could see people giving up their belonging for the sake of their love ones. There were some who didn't bother to do so because they'd rather keep the money. hehe those selfish dudes...

That night, instead ot retiring to bed early despite feeling tired, we played a game of pictionary. I felt ashamed for my drawing sucks! Nevertheless, we won the game..hehe close match. Loads and loads of laughter. LOL *remembering my own drawing*

rachel, grace, carmen, jo @ breakfast

isn't Mynn adorable?? She is!!

ini, mini, maini, mo!! which hand izzit??

everyone @ breakfast

powderful streetfighters!!

crazy bunch of people..

deng..deng..deng........deng..deng..deng....*haha*

:
:

Uncertainty

2005-06-21T01:43:00.000+08:00

**this entry was composed on 20th May 2005. This was written in a desperation to confide in someone.

Dear Lord,

How often in our lives we find ourselves in a state of helplessness. My mind is so clouded that I don't know what to do; don't know what to feel; It ache so much inside that nothing at the moment could ease that pain. All i want to do is just stare into thin air and hope that everything would just fade away once i regained my consciousness.

All of a sudden, all i hope for, all i thought that'd stay with me at least for the next 1/2 of my life seems to be blurry. Life is just so fragile, isn't it?

Lord, i pray for your comfort and peace. I know no matter how uncertain, how difficult, how impossible it seemed, you're still in control.

We are bound to feel helpless but never hopeless because our hope is in You.

Amen.

The long awaited day..

2005-06-21T01:28:00.000+08:00

For the past couple of weeks, i kept wanting to blog some of my thoughts but fail to do so because i couldn't piece my thoughts together to form something focus. It was just too scattered, too random. I finally sat myself in front of the computer to write about this thing which was bothering me for the past 1 month. I was just too troubled to blog about anything else. All my thoughts were revolving around that matter.

Have you ever ask yourself how would you feel, if your lifespan is being shorten to only 3 years? Would you have regrets for anything? Would you choose to live the remaining days differently? Would you start spending more time with your love ones?

Why that question? You may ask.

In approximately 7 hours, we would know the result. The long awaited day has finally come. It was nerve-wrecking having to wait 1 month. I know he's anxious, worried and fearful. Nevertheless, we are going to face this together. We hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

"wey..What if IT IS?"

"Life adversities are inevitable..."

That was the answer he gave.

It's always easy to accept something pleasant and beautiful. However, it doesn't always work that way in life. We have to learn to accept the total opposite too whether we like it or not.

I think life isn't about fairness or unfairness that is commonly discussed. Personally, it's simply about being happy, realizing our desires/dreams, be a blessing to make the world a better place to live in, living life to the fullest so that ultimately...memories are significantly our proudest moments instead of regrets.

I'll end this entry with a paragraph taken from the song "Heaven" by Live.

..I don't need no one to tell me about heaven

..I look at my daughter, and I believe.
..I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
..I can see the sunset and I perceive

A good walk

2005-06-03T10:48:00.000+08:00

I had to walk from Menara Maybank to Masjid Jamek train station yesterday after a meeting. Prior to the meeting, i parked my car at Bangsar train station so i could avoid the jam in town area.

During the walk which was approximately 200m, i suddenly realized i haven't been taking these got-to-catch-the-public-transport walk in a long time. I supposed it's due to that, that i automatically took a better notice of everything that was happening along the way to the station. There are people waiting for bus; people walking like me; drivers staring out of their car window while waiting in line to move; motorcyclist swerving in and out perhaps to get to their destination asap; hawkers busy selling their food;

Some thoughts went thru my mind at that time. I wonder amidst all busyness in life, do people slow down their pace to ponder and reflect on all happenings in their lives? Well, i hope at least i will do that once in a while.

These days, i feel life is so fragile...therefore, i hope everyone including myself will appreciate every single experience that we're being put through, every single person that we come in contact with, everything that we're being blessed with.

Why NOT APPRECIATIVE?!

2005-05-30T10:16:00.000+08:00

It's just awful when you hear about your friends having to go thru "down" times. It's worst if you feel that nothing you say will enter them, nothing you do could help them or rather nothing you could do at all...we could only lend a listening ear and be present to support them.

I hate to hear about guys letting go their current relationship with a nice, pleasant girl to try out with other girls whom they think would suit them more. It's even more frustrating when they let go on a relationship which has been built over several years. I know i shouldn't be judgemental towards these issues especially if i'm not in it myself. However, i think it's all bullshit when one party explains his rationale behind giving up when it's all merely showing that he has lost interest in what's current and shows interest in the kind of "spicyness" and "freshness" that he could get out of the new relationship.

Why are they NOT APPRECIATIVE of what they have but instead keep looking out for what's better when they don't even try to see that they themselves are not perfect??!!

I wanted to say this but i couldn't do it in front of my friend. So i'll do it here...it's just occupying web space. That guy's a bastard!!! for leaving my friend... pardon me my friend if you read this. but HE IS!! don't go wasting your time on such people...it's just not worth it!! I will slap him if he's in front of me!! hehe...no no don't worry...i'm not into violence.

I know i sound bias cuz' that's my friend i'm talking about. but i don't care!! i think people who don't know how to be appreciative are not worth wasting your time on.

Audition

2005-05-16T14:49:00.000+08:00

I was approached by a friend of mine to audition for a role in a music video. 1st thought...why me? After getting a better understanding on what is required of me, i thought it'd be a good experience as i haven't done anything like this before.

The audition was carried out in an informal manner. I was pretty nervous at first. Not sure what they'll make me do. However i told myself, i'm just trying it out for the fun of it. That was what i told them in a short introduction of myself.

"Flirt with the plant"

That was what i had to do. It's part of the script. I could feel butterflies in my stomach. At that moment, i was tempted to pull out. but......i thought "com 'mon, don't be a chicken".

Before we began, they took 3 shots of me. Front potrait, 45 degrees to my left & right.

I asked the director for some ideas how to express that line. I went away to prepare for about 5 minutes. I came back and told them i was ready. As the video camera lady went "reeeaaddyy...camera rolll...." i felt shy, didn't really know what i was doing. For a brief few seconds...i said "ok...*haha* that's all".

mockstar & paulie was told to wait outside after that 1st run. Perhaps mien(director) & AnG(video camera person) thought i'd do better without their presence. Mien gave me some useful tips.

She told me to imagine myself trying to get to know this guy whom i love very much. Flirt with him unabashedly. However after several attempts, he's not impress, he's not interested at all. So i'd get nervous, aggitated, felt used cuz' i gave out my heart and he doesn't feel anything. Nervousness eventually leads to anger, frustration. With that in mind, i gave it another go. Mien said i showed improvement.

After the 2nd attempt, they did an acting exercise with me.

::Show that i'm really happy

::Show how i'd look when i knew someone broke my drum set.

::Show how discouraged & disappointed i'd be when i didn't get thru in a competition.

Done with the exercise. I gave it my 3rd try. This time, with the idea that i should be more vocal. Mien said i can talk, scream, walk or run around, stomp my foot, cry etc. I felt i did slightly better. At least my expressions shown were clearer for what it was meant for.

Phew...i thought that was it. But they said "Orite..last try now". A different approach. This time with Mien guiding me on the details.

Me: So i started off by sitting with my back against the wall, trying to get the guy to talk to me. I said something like "you wanna do something, sometime soon together?..err...sports, anything...err clubbing?

Mien: "ok stand up now and dance."

Me: I was like "shit!, why did i say clubbing???". I stood up and moved a bit shyly.

Mien: Ok, the guy's not impress. He's telling you to stop it.

Me: you don't like it? umm..it's ok. why not u teach me...i can..i can be good at it.

Mien: Nah..girl..don't expect me to waste time on you. now go away.

Me: I continued persuading him to give me a chance by convincing him that i could do just anything.

Mien: I don't wanna listen to you girl...he's walking away...what are you gonna do? Go on your knees.

Me: I thought WAT?? go on my knees...alright...i started begging him to stay. But he won't. Anger starting to well up. I tried expressing that out. I squated down and cried.

Mien: Hit the all.

Me: I hit the wall. Angry. Frustrated.

*Cut*

That was all spontaneous. Phew....acting is a tough job, i thought. Nevertheless, it was a great experience. Whether i win or not is not important. At least i got a taste of how it is like.

Something that led to being emotional

2005-05-12T15:07:00.000+08:00

The day broke off with full of emotions...making me feel miserable.

The day continues on with more emotions welling up.

Thought of writing about last nite but don't feel ready to do so. Nothing disastrous but it makes me feel gloomy like how the sky appeared to be this morning. I'm grateful that whatever attributed to the argument was sorted out before the break of dawn. At least, doubts were cleared; misunderstandings were clarified; Guilt-ridden for words of hurt spoken. But it did not stop there. Guilt led to apology; it led to reconciliation.

Though i felt relieve after making peace, i could still feel a slight emotional pain within me. Perhaps i haven't fully recover which on a regular basis would have worn out by the next day.

It's ok. Nothing to worry. Just wanted to express out that emotion instead of letting it continue churning within me.

Untitled

2005-05-09T18:10:00.000+08:00

...HELPLESS...

that is the word i want to descibe my day. No details given this time.

From several incidents, i strongly agree with the saying "Too many cooks spoil the broth"

Sun, Sea, Sand & Hunks? Babes? (Day 3)

2005-05-05T15:25:00.000+08:00

Let me finish up on the last day of the trip while my memory is still fresh.

I made everyone get up extra early since it's our last day there and of course we wanna make the best out of it. We were too early for breakfast...so we walked around the island and notice some miniature crabs among some rocks.

: hunting for crabs

: me watching them..

Due to our experience on Day 2 (i mean the part where all snorkelling equipments were rented out)...we were so kiasu, immediately after breakfast, we head towards the beach..got ready..collected all equipments and our canoes. hehehe..

This time we canoed to another island. Clearer water & better beach.

: The beach

Oh! there's this jelly mite in the sea which i hate. it BITES!! and worst is you don't see them. it feels like ants biting. it's very annoying...makes u itch...ish!!

: jelly mite BITING!!!

: Guit & myself

After this trip, i feel that i'm really a beach person. i love the feeling of the warmth from the sun on my skin. Normally i'd afraid of heat. Ask my colleagues about this, they'd all nod their heads. However, when i'm at the beach, my tolerance level towards the sun would suddenly increase. My mum would always complain that i'm crazy....people usually strive towards being fair...with the help of all whitening products these days...and as oppose to that i like being tan. *haha*..well of course not too tan.

fOR mORE pHOTOS, bROWSE http://www.flickr.com/photos/89275566@N00/

: completing this entry with this photo....too tired.

Undo retirement

2005-05-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

Sigh..i have to undo the retirement entry i posted the other day. It's disappointing...the buyer changed his mind on the purchase of the 2 shop lots. Legally they are not suppose to do that as they have already paid the deposit & sign some documents. Unfortunately they called up the bank to stop the payment otherwise as a compensation to my parents, the deposit will be forfeited. mmm..it's really disappointing.

Due to that, the real-estate agent will continue searching for other potential buyer while my parents continue on with the business.

At the mean time, my entry on "Retirement" will remain but to be used later on. Well..hopefully sometime real soon.

Retirement

2005-04-29T16:11:00.000+08:00

My mum just broke a news to me. Few months back my dad engaged a real-estate agent to look for a buyer for the 2 shop lots where my parents occupy currently for the furniture business which has been established since at least 25 years ago. And....they finally manage to close the deal and thankfully it's a reasonably good deal.

I was glad and excited when i heard the news cuz' that'd mean that my parents will retire very soon and get rest and have time for themselves finally after so many years of toiling and long working hours. Thanks to them that i could enjoy everything that was provided from daily needs, academically, comfortable living and others that has attributed to all that i've acquired. Hence, be the person i am today. Their hard work has been paid off.

Thank you Mum & Dad!!

I know mum has got mix feelings toward this due to concerns of getting adjusted to no daily routine to keep her occupy and no income. I pray that she'll get adjusted without much hassle.

I guess another reason i felt glad is cuz' she'll be spending more time at home. That'd also mean that i'd be getting home cook food kekeke...and at least getting the presence of someone else rather than going home to an empty house. That has been the way since schooling days. Well...i've gotten use to it.

Sun, Sea, Sand & Hunks? Babes? (Day 2)

2005-04-28T17:06:00.000+08:00

ooaahhh *stretched* ...waking up the next day, hearing the waves pounding, i went to the balcony, sat on the hanging rattan seat. Watching the sunrise, the sea, waves and fishes swimming gives me a very warm feeling. I like it...appreciating the nature is not what i'd do everyday. It makes me feel that God's creation is just so beautiful.

After breakfast, we went for a walk at the beach and took some photos.

: come on...say cheese!!! u all look like half awake... :P

Next, we got changed and prepare to collect our equipments from the station. Unfortunately we got there late, all equipments were rented out to the other group. ish...!! disappointing..
AND they ran out of paddles!! that means we can't canoe... hmp!! Pity my friend, since she only dares to go into the water with all the necessary gears, which we don't have...not even 1 set...she chose to hang out on the beach while we swim near the shore, looking at the other group enjoying themselves...hhmm...

Come to think of it, Day 2 is a lazy day cuz' after lunch, we took nap till evening since it was too hot to go out in the afternoon.

The highlight for Day 2 is the massage!! We were offered a complimentary massage for 4 person with 2 hot stone therapy and 2 the regular 25mins massage. It was an interesting experience. It was my first time getting full body massage...err...except my boobs. *kekeke* You know i was a bit worried that she'll just remove my towel & start massaging that part...feel shy...i won't want that definitely. Being a ticklish person, i couldn't fully relax myself. Even the masseur felt the tense in me and kept telling me to relax. I felt as if all my muscles got loosen up after that.

That nite, while in the middle of our bbq dinner, one of the staff gave a performance

: Swinging fire performance

that was an entertaining performance. he could just swing and swing with speed steadily.

We hung out at the jetty after dinner....feeding mosquitoes & chatted. Just appreciating the night view. The rest of the nite was just lazing in the room, watching movie and munching snacks.

Sun, Sea, Sand & Hunks? Babes? (Day 1)

2005-04-24T23:36:00.000+08:00

wooOOooo...i had a wonderful 3 days 2 nites at Gem Island (GIsle). i think it's 1 of my better trips. for those who don't know where GIsle is...it's situated in the east coast, Terengganu...it's a small island adjacent to some of the more well known islands like redang, perhentian, kapas islands. For those who enjoy beaches, sea, sun N don't mind getting tan...you'd definitely love GIsle..

:: Day 1
my alarm was suppose to go off @ 4am. However, i was awake @ 3am and couldn't go back to sleep. get myself out of bed, freshen up, go thru my stuff for the final time just to ensure that i didn't leave anything important behind though..my bf kept saying the most important thing is the air ticket.. ***well of course!!

had our 1st round of breakfast and head towards guit's place. met up with Ad & guit...and thereafter we (4 of us) head off in a cab to KLIA to catch our 7:20am flight to Kuala Terengganu.

:2nd round of breakfast @ McD, KLIA

:Waiting to board the plane

Once we arrive Kuala Terengganu airport, we hired a cab to bring us to Marang jetty (eer...yups..i think it's Marang).

:Boat ride from jetty to Gem Island resort. This is 1 of my favourite part of the trip...shok!!

: View of Gem Island Resort from afar... beautiful isn't it?? heh.. :P

: Interior of villa we stayed in. I like the settings...gives you the cozy, laid back, vacation kind of feel.

After getting settled in, we got changed & hit the beach immediately. Put on our snorkeling gears...and went blup blup blup. It's such a calm feeling underwater...seeing the fishes swim. oh!! i saw Nemo!! oh! and baby Nemo!!! they're sooo cute....just like what's seen in the movie - Finding Nemo.

After lunch, a group of cyclist consisting of 63 people checked into the resort. So, the place was more "yit lau". Not too crowded though. Get to see more babes in bikinis (my bf commented the bikini wore by 1 of the girl from the other group looked more like undergarment..*Hahaha* funny..) and hunks...err...hunks with big tummy considered hunks??? *haha*

: Resort welcome reception area. Behind where i stand is the small swimming pool (this one with salt water hehe...don't be deceived..)

: eating area....overlooking the sea but too bad it's over expose...so can't see the sea

Later in the evening when the sun gone down a bit, we got a bit more adventurous and canoed over to the island opposite. When we reach the shore...paulie told me to get off first...i lost balance when i stood up...i fell on my back... aakk!! and was in pain. wanna see how i look in pain? *haha*

: ok..that's me in pain...trying to endure the pain in order not to cause panic. was near to tears..

eekk...eee...that fall gave me 2 bruises :(

we did snorkeling....fed the fishes with bread...it's an undescribable feeling watching them eat underwater. Took some photos & canoed back.

: paulie getting a bit "miang"

we didn't get enough of playing with water...so we took another short swim in the small pool.

: that's a real dolphin ok.... :P the 2 black thingy on the body is just some growth....she is sick...poor thing :P

After all the "work out"...we washed up and went for dinner. It was good dinner with wine that made me sleepy...*heh*

: good dinner....mm...

mm...that's quite a bit for 1 day ya. my friend who've been there said by 8pm we'd sure feel tired & sleepy after the whole day's activity. hehe...quite true...by 10pm plus...started to "la-la" already.

HELLO!!!

2005-04-20T09:39:00.000+08:00

There's something wrong with the tone of voice i use on the phone??!!! sound too serious?? sound offensive?? unfriendly?? impatient?? well...over the years, i got comments with regards to the tone of voice i use on the phone. Perhaps, it makes the caller feel intimidated, i'm not sure. But, in actual fact, that's just my style. I'm totally not angry or upset about anything. Of course, i'm sure the caller'd be able to tell the difference if i'm angry.

Come to think of it, i think i inherited this attribute from my mum. During schooling days, if so happen my mum picks up any call for me, my friend would comment that my mum sounds fierce... "anything wrong??" haha... that's also my mum's style by nature.

I don't mind people giving me that kind of comments. I've always thought "ahh..it's ok, they just don't understand me". Somehow, i think differently now. Perhaps i should consciously try to sound more friendly on the phone...a method my friend taught me, smile and say hello...it does work...although that smile isn't seen....somehow it'll be heard...

An act of reminiscence

2005-04-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

2 days ago, i suddenly find myself consciously reminiscing my time spent in oz completing my final year studies. mmm...that was about 3 years ago. my memories be it sweet or sour *hehe* are still vivid. faces, glimpse of certain events, places i've visited & stayed flashed through my mind just like a slide show.

i recalled the emotions i felt on the day i packed my stuff, handed our apartment keys back to the real-estate agent, sat in a cab which was bringing us to the airport to catch a flight back to Malaysia...my home country. i felt horrible throughout the whole journey from Caulfield to Melbourne airport. i was looking out the window, near to tears....observing the scenery as if i was not going back to oz again. Perhaps it's the thought of being there, staying there for a period of time as a student. That was definitely gonna be the final time.

As i look back, i really miss my time there...

my friend pythonx, who was my then housemate and who obtained PR and stayed back in oz....tempted me to go over...stay several months...get a contract job...saying that the experience would do me good. Of course the idea sounded good...hehe like a nomad wonder from 1 place to another without much to consider. However..i asked him, how am i suppose to get exemption from work for such a long time unless i quit my job? how about my plans to *ahem* settle down? Finally, he chuckled & said "well...forget what i said then, & stick to the bigger plan".

Nevertheless, at times i'd still have the longing to "resurrect" the memory by trying out what pythonx suggested. Just a thought...don't think i'll do it...

Far-fetch dreams..

2005-04-09T14:00:00.000+08:00

Dream what you want to dream;
Go where you want to go;
Be what you want to be,
Because you have only one life
And one chance to do all the things
You want to do.

that was an excerpt from one of the forwarded emails i got from a friend. that particular paragraph caught my eye...especially the line "Be what you want to be".

is it that... simple?

easier said than done. pursuing dreams without taking into consideration factors like finance to sustain you throughout the pursuit, courage to risk messing up your career path, perseverance when faced with hiccups along the way, determination to press on till you reach the finish line, being firm even when it takes being different from the common path that your peers would take?? it ain't simple at all! perhaps that is why some dreams will always remain as dreams...

my dreams...
:: qualify enough to play as a musician at places like hotel lounges on a part-time basis...say 2 week days every week and get paid.
** i came close to this. was practising and planning for gigs with a band. my band pulled thru times without a permanent & committed bassist. unfortunately, now our vocalist is taking a long break and that leaves us a band without a vocalist...*Haha* well..we're currently idle while waiting to get a new vocalist.

:: compete as an athlete...
:: join expeditions to poor countries to help the people in any way possible.
:: travel the world and experience different cultures
:: take a 2 months break, go live somewhere else...
** very tempted to do this...at least that gives me a chance to make use of my PR. sigh...how could i possibly take 2 months leave..??!!

those are my dreams that are probably hard to come true though not impossible.

some of my other more reachable dreams are like trying scuba diving, white water rafting...

I realize, most of the time something'd hold us back from pursuing our dreams. Yup, of course there is a price to pay.

Perhaps i have to Q myself how significant reaching a particular dream to me is, in order to determine whether is it worthwhile going all out for it..

little little things that make us happy..

2005-04-08T00:29:00.000+08:00

**this entry was intended for 25th March 2005

As i grow older, i realize we're not easily satisfy with what we have or where we are. How often we say "how nice if i could have..." or "how good if i could just be like..." or "i think i'll feel happier when i ..." or "how i envy...". we're no longer easily amuse. we seldom laugh at silly little things. we rarely look at ourselves and be content, be appreciative, be grateful. instead, we often complain and fuss about our flaws eventho it could be our strength. don't get me wrong, of course it's good to realize our weaknesses and improve from there.

i remember something my friend, wei said. she said "if i could have one wish, i would ask that i may have normal skin condition..." that was because she has been enduring some skin sensitivity issue for some time. it struck me that we often take things for granted. things that we think we will always have them with us.

little things that make us happy...have we ever thought of that? how often do we actually pause and notice something ordinary that we might come across daily.... be it the same people we meet everyday, path that we walk so frequently, environment that we are too familiar and comfortable with, daily activities that already seemed mundane, songs that probably no longer appear to be music to our ears....

i've been thinking what are simple things that'd make my day....

:: smile at someone and get a smile in return
:: when i see a clear blue sky
:: chat with a friend without being restricted by time
:: being able to talk to a person whom i used to find it difficult to approach
:: laugh out loud about something silly
:: watch children play & enjoy themselves
:: when i can make someone else's day

i'll continue to ponder abt this. While i'm at that i'll leave you with this question...

What are simple little things that'd make YOU happy?

Disaster!!

2005-04-06T15:22:00.000+08:00

arrgh..!! a few colleagues commented that i looked like i lost some weight!! worst is i think i agree with them!! Oh NOO!! i'm not getting thinner, AM I??!!

wonder what can i do about it...
1.eat more?
2.exercise regularly to improve appetite.hence be able to eat more?
3.take some appetite-stimulating supplements?
4.take 6 meals a day??

gee...i've tried most of it..oh! except number 4 of course!

not sure why these days i haven't got such good appetite. not sure what's contributing to me feeling that way. where's the fishee who could once eat 3 BOWLS of RICE?? *hehe* a group of my friends would know what i'm talking about.

sometimes when the weather gets too warm....it puts me off...i'd just eat sufficient portion for the sake of filling my stomach and to avoid from triggering gastric. sometimes....*shy* it's plain laziness.

mmm...the problem with me is (trust me, i'm really not trying to boast here ok..)....it's very difficult for me to gain weight unless i CONSISTENTLY eat EXTREMELY a lot. then i'll probably see the results in a month's time.

p/s: anyone reading this may feel free to leave a comment or email me if you've got suggestions to fatten me up...*haha*

2 years together..

2005-04-03T23:15:00.000+08:00

without realizing.. it's been 2 years that hau & i have been together. 2 complete years filled with joy, excitement, compromise, disappointment, discouragement, learning, humility, romance hehe.., passion, thrill, affection...the list goes on and on...in short a lot of ups and downs..a lot of emotions involved.

a week ago we talked about how to celebrate since we both leaked out our plans on the gift. we agreed on simple celebration, no need expensive gifts or elaborate dinner.... *grin* actually i was pretty broke after spending on my mum's 50th birthday gift & still owing....*eeee*. the whole week leading to the celebration, i was quite tied up at work. As the day approaches, i was getting worried as i still donno what to get him, worst still no time to plan *sheesh*. finally, i bought some fancy papers, thought of making a card cum photo holder.i didn't have time to start on the card till 1 day before the celebration. unfortunately, that night i came back from work, feeling like i'm on the verge of falling sick. Ignoring that, i began at it and manage to complete...not quite like what i imagined it to be but still ok i guess.

the next day, true enough i got up feeling sick. wasn't too bad though...and in order not to spoil the fun i suggested we proceed with the plan. i wasn't expecting anything special..just something simple. turned out, i really enjoyed our evening together, really liked the thing he did for me. when i unwrapped the pressie...and saw what it was, i was really touched. it's a photo frame filled with small little pictures of us. i was laughing at some of the photos...it's like happy moments of us being captured at different time but all put together. looking at it just puts a smile on my face.

i enjoyed the dinner very much too. we went to Tamarind Springs @ Ampang. they serve Vietnamese, Cambodian and Laotian food...very soothing atmosphere dining upon airy treetop balcony... he asked me if i like this better than what he did for me on V-day. well...of course!! **clearly remember what happened that day**.

mm...come to think of it, we go all out to do things for our love ones...i'm sure we appreciate, we cherish these very much....but i do hope that relationships will never be firmed upon superficiality instead it'll mean more than that...it'll mean being there thru thick & thin, showing care even when you feel exhausted, putting up with him/her even when he/she is intolerable/being unreasonable, appreciate people/that person everyday, shut-up & listen when that person needs nobody but a listener..etc.. :)

Farewell..

2005-03-28T23:36:00.000+08:00

last friday night we bid farewell to joo...who's leaving for Toowoomba, Australia to start a new chapter of life. we wished him all the best. mm..we're gonna miss him..

photo taken with joo a few hours before his departure..

Learning Curve..

2005-03-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

pheww...it took me approximately 2 hours to setup my blog. that's inclusive of downloading "hello" for photo hosting. it was getting excited when i got to view my blog the first time though initial thought that came to mind..*mmm*..my blog looks really bare. ok! i must at least fill up my profile with a photo to get things started. So....err....how do i do that? I started exploring with "hello"... and aftera while i was beginning to feel "mang chang" (agitated) as i could only get the photo to display as a post entry and not on my profile.fortunately after a few attempts i manage to find out how.

i have never developed an interest for recording daily events in diary. Perhaps that's due to the fear of having it disclosed. you know.. *eyes rolling* especially during schooling if you write about who did you have a crush on or similar stuff. However, for the pass weeks i have been reading some of my friends' blogs. And from that, it spurred up an interest to start one of my own. another reason i got hyped up was another colleague is starting a blog too. i thought this blog could be a good place for me to pour my complaints, to lament, to pen down my reflection, to record all ups and downs of part and parcel of my life and etc. I'm not sure whether i'll pick up the habit to write regularly or is this gonna be a "tiga minit panas" sort of hobby for me but well...at least i try and learn something new.

it's difficult for a person like me to write..to even start the first word of this post entry i had to think so hard....as if...i'm submitting this for an essay competition...come on la..stop trying so hard..just write ok!! :P